“We call ourselves friends for a reason; After today I don’t know the definition…”


I’m starting to find it comical how some people actually think it’s ok to treat someone else with a complete lack of disregard, indifference, malice, and a mean spirit.  Then, when you finally say “ENOUGH!” suddenly you are the bad guy and just so “hard to please.”  How about just showing some common decency and respect …along with…I don’t know… some consideration…and see where that gets you… UGH!  And people should remember that just because you go around talking smack doesn’t mean that anyone actually believes it.  People that actually know the people involved know what the REAL situation is and if they don’t- once they did I’m sure they would see things in a whole new light.  It’s easy to point the finger at someone else and blame them for everything.  The fact is: It takes two to tango and it’s a two way street in any relationship; friendship or otherwise…And I can’t stand people who feel they have to pick and pick and pick and throw lug after lug, jab after jab to start an argument.  If you have something to say or need to get it off your chest; JUST SAY IT! Damn!         
Yes, this is my rant-of-the-day.  I have been struggling with this for sometime.  How does someone who is your “best friend” that you have lived with for the past four years – been through hell and back together suddenly turn their back on you because they are in pursuit of a new dream of a life with a new man?  I mean, honestly, isn’t it possible to still maintain friendships when you are in a relationship?  And just because they are now in a “relationship” does that mean its ok for them to become callous and just plain mean toward you because they think that somehow impresses their their significant other…or maybe it’s because they suddenly think they’re “better than”?  I mean obviously, the dynamics of your friendship is going to change.  We’re no longer two single chicks runnin amuck in the city on a saturday night.  (We moved past that years ago…)  I just feel so lost, and baffled, and genuinely hurt by this persons indifference and lack of any consideration toward me.  And when is it ok to suddenly start lying to your “best friend” or feeling you have to be censored because you now have a boyfriend?
 
I’m just feeling a little lost.  We’ve made the decision to go our separate ways.  In (30) days we will be moving into our own apartments (though we’ll be in the same building.)  I know it sounds like baby steps but I think it’s actually a giant leap for both of us.  I have never lived fully on my own without a roommate.  I am scared, happy, excited, anxious…you have NO idea! lol  But, honestly, more than anything I am just hoping it will salvage what little friendship we may still have.  It’s pathetic when you live in the same house as someone and you don’t even speak.  I’ve tried talking to her, tried making things right, tried pointing out why I feel the way I do and its only met with eye-rolls, “Whatever”(s), “You’re never happy”, etc. etc.  I never have my feelings validated.  So…I’ve decided to stop trying.  I figure if it’s not important to her for us to remain close…well the best way to say it is, “Never make someone a priority when to them you are just an option.”
I just miss my friend.

    

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    • Marianne
    • June 25th, 2010

    I know how you feel. Oh boy, do I ever know how you feel.

    I had a friend, someone I really loved, who ditched me the minute she met *the guy*. Honestly, everything became about the guy, we never did anything together any more and then I finally gave up because she just didn’t get that when I called to talk, I didn’t want to spend 45 minutes listening to her romance (I moved back to my hometown before the final break – no point sticking around in a place where I wasn’t happy anymore!).

    Then, my oldest friend, someone I had known since the first day of university, someone who I trusted more than anyone (and I have serious trust issues thanks to my childhood) and had trusted for fifteen years, effectively changed to someone I had nothing in common with. She went ‘blue-collar Roseanne’ on me and became impossible to live with or be friends with. I come from a blue-collar background and it was *appalling* how she behaved. Seriously, she was offensive to be around but I hung there, trying to still be her friend and work out why she had suddenly gone all Jerry Springer on me.

    The final straw was me having extremely severe viral pneumonia and getting hospitalized and not only did she not bother to even come visit me but she actually told a mutual friend that she had better things to do! The last conversation was not pretty but it was liberating.

    One thing I’ve learned from these two experiences? A corrupted friendship is like bad gangrene – you’ve just got to cut it out and throw it away to save what’s left of the legs you stand on!

    Am I happy about it? No. I miss the friendships every day. Do I regret the decisions I made to walk away? Hell no. I have value and I deserve respect. And if you can’t cowboy up and deal with that? Too bad, so sad.

    Living by yourself becomes addictive really quickly – the quiet bliss when you want it, knowing its yours and no one else’s is all good.

    Onwards and Upwards! You can do it!

    • WOW! You spoke straight to my heart! Thank you so much for that encouragement! Well, I am I am moving into my own apartment in 11 days and am on the countdown! lol I am actually very excited and nervous….and anxious….. It sounds weird that I am 33 years old and have never lived by myself without a roommate, boyfriend, family, etc. I have always enjoyed the presence and company of another person in my life. So I am excited for the new experience and curious where my journey is going to lead. While my feelings have been hurt, while I still don’t completely understand, and while I have feelings of resentment and betrayal that I question myself on daily… the fact is this person has been my best-friend and sister for the past (6) years of my life and I am not ready to call an end to the friendship completely. We have decided to move into our own apartments… but we are moving into the same apartment building. So we’ll be close…but have our own spaces to return to. I’ve also had to just come to terms with the fact that you can only accept people as they are and if they have traits that are unacceptable to you; then it is better to just walk away. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole…

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