My Shangri-la

I sometimes think that my life has proceeded by way of a series of breakdowns and reconstructions.  Such episodes haven’t exactly been frequent in my life, but they have represented important turning points.  There have been three times I can recall where I’ve hit emotional bottom, learned something important about myself, and found a release that led to significant growth taking place.

In each case there had been a long period of holding on to some pattern that had been causing me pain (usually unacknowledged).  I’d been a tightly closed bud.  This was followed by a catalyzing event (in each case it involved being on retreat) in which I became fully aware of the pain I’d been causing myself.  The pain of remaining closed became too much.  Then there was a grand finale of emotional release and a spiritual awakening into greater wholeness and well-being.  The bud opened, albeit painfully. Anaïs Nin’s quotation — “…the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” — seems to perfectly encapsulate that process.